A letter to Bill Gates from Banta Singh

Dear Mr Bill Gates,

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought acomputer for our home and we encountered some problems, which I want to bring toyour notice.

1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account andwhenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field.

We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****.

I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what thepassword is.

2. We are not able to enter anything after we click the 'shut down 'button.

3. There's a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.

4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run' has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.

5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

6. There is 'Find' button but it is not functioning the right way. My wife lostthe door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find',but not able to trace. Is it a bug??

7. Every night I am not sleeping as i have to protect my 'mouse' fromCAT, So i suggest u to provide one DOG to protect from the cat.

8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are you coming to my home tocollect ur money.

9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoftsentence', so when u will provide that?

10. Hey, I brought computer, cpu, mouse and keypad there is only oneicon with 'MY Computer', where is remaining ?

11. And in 'MY Pictures' there is not even single photo of mine, So when u will keep my photo in that.

Thanks
Banta Singh…

Message on the birthday cake

Banta Singh wishes to observe his wife’s birthday by holding a party. So he goes to arrange a birthday cake.

The salesman inquires him what message he prefers to* use on the cake.

Well he thinks for a while and tells: Let’s put, “you are not getting older you are getting better”.

The salesman demands, “How do you wish me to set it up ? ”

Sardar says, well put “You are not getting older”, at the top and “You are getting better” at the bottom.

The true fun didn’t kickoff until the cake was opened the entire party viewed the message decorated on the cake:

“You are not getting older at the top; you are getting better at the bottom”.

What is your favorite flower?

Once a Hindu, a Muslim and our dear Santa Singh were standing together. An Englishman came up and asked, “Hey guys, what is your favorite flower? ”
The Hindu replied, ‘Lotus’ ‘Ha, I wipe my shit with that! ’ the Englishman jeered.
The Hindu got angry, the lotus being our national flower.
The Muslim replied: “Chameli” ‘Ha I wipe my shit with that! ’ The Englishman response
The Muslim also got angry but kept quite.
The Englishman asked Santa, ‘Sardarji, and what is your favorite flower? ’ Patriotic Santa replied: ‘Cactus! and replied, “Now wipe your ass with that! ”

Trains in India

You got to believe it ..you can come across such sights if you happen to be in India!!!

Airline Ads in India

Humorously outsmarting the competitors

LInk exchange?

If you are interested in exchanging link with this blog, the following criteria has to be met:

• It must be an entertainment blog.
• Your blog must have a page rank of atleast 2.
• If you want 3 way link exchange, the blog that you want this blog to be linked to should not be monetary or porno related.

For your request for link exchange to be entertained faster, please let me know thro' your comments on the latest post in this blog.

Thanks and regards to you all

funny-indian-jokes.blogspot.com

Santa - "GOD"

Santa: People consider me as "God"

Banta: How do you know??

Santa: When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh God ! U’ve come again...

Radio

Banta: You cheated me with this radio.

Santa (shopkeeper): No, I sold a good radio to you.

Banta: Radio label shows ‘Made in Japan’ but the radio says ‘This is all India Radio’!

At the accident scene

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!

Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

Asking out for a date

Boy: Chalo kisi viraan jagah chalte hain!
Gal: Tum aisi-vaisi harkat to nahi karoge?
Boy: Bilkul nahi!
Gal: To phir rehne do...

IB, CBI and Delhi Police apprehending criminals

The IB, CBI and Delhi Police are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The PM decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch.



The IB goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.



The CBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.



The Delhi Police goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!

Finger prints

Police Inspector: Have you caught the thief?
Hawaldar: No, but I found some trace of him.
Police Inspector: What?
Hawaldar: Finger prints.
Police Inspector: Where?
Hawaldar: On my cheeks.

Desi Marriage FAQ For Dummies

Q: What is an arranged marriage?

A1: Arranged marriage is the process through which a loser like him will get a knockout like her that he will never get in real life.

A2: Arranged marriage is the process through which she will get the BMW of her dreams by marrying the doctor of her nightmares.

Q: How many functions are there in a desi marriage?

A1: It depends on how much your parents love you and how much they are prepared to spend on you. Parents, if you have two kids, decide which one you love more now. The other one is going to elope.

A2: Three functions.

Q: What's the first of the three functions?

A: It's called a holud ceremony, literally the "yellow" ceremony.

Apparently, we have discovered a breakthrough scientific formula.

Brown + Yellow = White.

Because our ultimate aim in life is to look like this.


Q: What is the second ceremony?

A: It is called the akht. This is where the imam decides because a girl is silently crying she is happily agreeing to the marriage, whereas the boy (who should really be the one to be crying) has to soundly pronounce "I do" before the imam will say the magic words "you are now married".

They say marriage completes half of your deen (religion). It is observed that men become more religious after marriage. It is because they realize what they have gotten into and start praying more often.

It is also noted that men become fatter after their wedding. It is due to the fact that when a bachelor comes home, he sees what's in the fridge and goes to bed. Whereas the married man comes home, sees what's in the bed and goes to the fridge.

Q: What is a walimah or reception?

A: This is the occasion where we invite all the people we don't really like but have to invite anyways (also known as relatives), so that they can stand and gawk at us making corny jokes about our supposed night of passion.

Q: Who is the first person to leave the gathering?

A: It's the imam. We invite him so he can say the obligatory Quran recitation, do some lecture on why marriage is important, eat and then leave, so we can start our gaana bajaana (music). It's usually best to invite Bengali imams. They know very little Quran so they usually recite Surah Asr (only three verses - very short). The translation is even shorter as they don't know Arabic so just talk in general of why the President of America is an evil man.

A guide to checking out the bride:

Yes, we all know why you are really in the line to take a picture with your 'friend' and your new bhabi - you really want to see how lucky the bast*** got. So this is how you do it.

1. Keep your gaze down.

Be like a good modest desi and lower your gaze. That way, when the time comes, you can look up. Slowly. And check her out completely from bottom to top. If you start at the top, once she starts saying "Hi" you are stuck, you gotta look at her face and make small talk.

2. Don't let out a whistle.

Very important.

How to check out the groom:

Just gaze at any standard guy in a tux and a tie. They all look the same.

Bengali Joke

An angry Bengali letter? Chitti-chitti Bong! Bong
A talkative Bengali? Bulbul Chatterjee
An outlawed Bengali? Kanoon Banerjee
An enlightened Bengali? Jyoti Basu
A stupid Bengali girl? Balika Buddhu
A Bengali marriage? Bedding
A Bengali voyeur? Keyhollo
A mad Bengali? In Sen (insane)
A dark Bengali who lives in a cave? Kalidas Guha
A perfumed Bengali? Chandan Dass
A Bengali goldsmith? Shonar Bongla
What's bigger than the Bay of Bengal? The Bengali Ego
When does a Bengali sound like a dog? When he says Bow (wow)
Also when he bharks! (works).

Hidden cameras

Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room. Jasmeet: "What are you searching for?" Santa: "Hidden cameras!" Jasmeet: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?" Santa: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying, You are watching the Star World channel. How does he know that?"

Bengali Jokes

Q : How does the Bong learn the alphabet?
A : A for Orange, B for Bhegetable.... :

Q : How does a Bong relax in the evening?
A : He goes to the Howrah Breez to get some Brij. :

Q : What does the Bong do first in the morning?
A : After baking up from hees slip, he removes the bed-shit. :

Q: What did a Bengali voyeur say to another?
A: Keyhollo?

Q: What do u call a firebrand Bong?
A: Gun-goli.

Air India

Surinder's uncle was booked into an SIA flight to Bombay. But as this was his first time in an airplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place. When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, the uncle declared loudly, "I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you don't charge me for food and drinks!"

So, as everybody was given their in-flight meal, the uncle began spreading out his own home-cooked meal. The man sitting next to him was an American history researcher, who was curious about the food. "Excuse me, what is that drink?" he asked.

The uncle picked up the yogurt-based lassi drink and said, "Milk of India!"

The the uncle took out several pieces of chapattis and started feasting. "And what is that dish?" asked the curious American.

"Wheat of India!" replied the uncle proudly.

Finally, the uncle took out some desserts. He offered some to the American.

"What is it?" asked the American.

"Sweet of India!" replied the old man.

After the meal, everyone was settling down when there was a loud "Pooooooooot!" from the uncle.

"What was that?" asked the American in disgust.

The old man replied coolly, "That's Air India!"

Recognizing a Sardar

You should be sure the person is Sardar when he:
• puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to make up his mind.
• gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
• sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
• tries to drown a fish in water.
• thinks socialism means partying.
• trips over a cordless phone.
• takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
• At the bottom of the application where it says “Sign Here” he puts
“Sagittarius.”.
• studies for a blood test and fails.
• sells the car for gas money.
• misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
• drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, “Airport left”, he turns ground and
goes home.
• gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.

Lie detector

An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector . The Englishman says:
“I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer”. BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
“Ok”, he says, “10 bottles”.
And the machine is silent.
The American says: “I think I can eat 15 hamburgers”.
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
“Allright, 8 hamburgers”.
And the machine’s silent.
The Sardarji says:
“I think…”,
BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.

Identification of Sardar

You can be sure it is a sardarji when somebody:

– Sends a fax with a stamp on it.
– Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
– Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead,
– Boards another bus in extreme hurry and upon seeing it is a 23C cut (\) service, promptly gets down thinking that
the bus route is cancelled.
– Takes you to the airport and saw a sign that said, “Airport left”, he turned around and went home.
– Got locked in Furniture Shop and slept on the floor.
– At the bottom of the application where it says “Sign Here” he put Sagittarius.”
– Studies for a blood test and fails.
– Spends twenty minutes looking at an orange juice box because it said “concentrate.”
– Puts lipstick on the forehead because he wanted to makeup his mind.
– Gets stabbed in a shoot-out.

Ghati Jokes

Ghat jokes ( A little knowledge of Marathi might help )


Q : What do you call a Maharashtrian in the U.S.?
A : Western Ghat.

Q : What does a Maharashtrian mean by "fast food"?
A : Sabudana Khichdi.

Q : What do you call a Maharashtrian who makes air-conditioners?
A : Cool-karni.

Q : What do you call a Maharashtrian whose father is missing?
A : Ba-gul.

Q : What would you call Urmila in the role of a monkey?
A : Urmila MakkadTondkar.

Q : Which is the highest office occupied by Maharashtrians in the U.S.A.?
A : That of the Vice-President - Dan Quayle(Kale) & Al Gore. :

Punjab Developement

Once all Sardarji’s clubed together and decided to develop Punjab and they
wanted the Punjab as a Developed State.

Each of them started giving suggestions … finally one great Sardarji gave
a suggestion with a huge volume “Lets fight with Indian Government, get
freedom from India then, Declare war on America…. We will be definitely
defeated by America and we shall be the part of the America and then they
will obviously develop our punjab also”….

“Wow” the crowd cheered up….. there was at last a thin voice asking ……..

“What about if we win ?”

UP Jokes

A U.P. Botanist?
Agni-hot-tree.

a son of 2 fathers .. Dvivedi
of 3 fathers .. Trivedi
of 4 fathers .. Chaturvedi
of 5 fathers .. Pandey
of several fathers .. Misra
of unknown parentage .. Gupta

Typical Indian

Advice to father thinking about whether he should let his daughter continue her studies or get her married : " Vell, if you wantu study her, then study her. If you wantu marry her, then marry her ."

An instructor explaining the working of pendulum: "Take an elephant of negligible weight"

Instructor: "Take a copper wire of any metal...and pour any liquid solution of sulphuric acid in a round bottom flask of any shape."

"Do not smoke and spoil the botany of ur body"

He/she's my cousin brother/sister.

"You three, both of you kneel down together separately"

"Hey, please keep quiet. The president is rotating outside"

"I have to put my child to sleep"

" Florida paan shop. Prop: Raju . B.A, M.A. "

" Don't talk bad in front of my back "

Did you cut the ticket, yet?

"Entry too entry otherwise disentry"

The principal just passed away.

Who took out the breeze of my cykill.

My cykill is understanding the tree.

Open the windows and let the AIR FORCE come in"!

"Open the doors of the window, and let the atmosphere come in "

10 Rules for Bollywood Film Making

1. Two brothers separated in childhood will always grow up on different sides of the law. The law-breaker, however, will suddenly turn over a new leaf before the end, bash up the villain (who is the *real* bad guy), and be pardoned for all his sins before the last-scene family reunion. (This is possible only if he has a heroine - see rule 2 below).

2. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will a) die b) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.

3. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).

4. Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be overruled. Else, it will be sustained.

5. The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i.e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the 1st 30 minutes, and commit suicide.

6. In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.

7. When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never
a) miss
b) run out of bullets. When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to die, as in rule 2).

8. Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of a) pots b) barrels c) glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces.

9. Any movie involving lost and found brothers will have a song sung by
a) the brothers
b) their blind mother (but of course, she has to be blind in order to regain her sight in the climax)
c) the family dog/cat.

10. Police inspectors (when not played by the hero) come in two categories:
a) Scrupulously honest, probably the hero's father - killedby the villain before the titles.
b) Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero (as in Rule 1), saying "Tum kanoon se bach nahin sakte", only to pat him in the back in reel 23. Usually, this inspector's daughter is in love with the anti-hero.
c) The corrupt inspector, (usually the real villain's sidekick) unceremoniously knocked about by the hero(s) in the climax

Beautiful wife

A man and his wife were walking on a busy street. Coming to a corner a begger shouted out to the lady:
"Oh sundari!!! andhha huu. sawa panch rupya de de" (Oh beautiful!! I am blind give me five and a quarter rupees)

At once her husband told her: "de de, de de, tujhhe sundari bola hai to har haal me ye andhha hi hai!!" (Give him what he asks, If he thinks you are beautiful then there is no doubt that he is blind!!)

Sardar And Indian Flag

Santa singh goes to a shop to buy Indian flag.
The shopkeeper gives him a Indian flag.
Santa singh looks at it for a while and says something.
What does he say?
-
-
-
Do you have anyother color in this ???

Sardar's Son at Medical School

Bantasingh : I am so proud of my son. He is at medical school.

Santasingh : Whatt is he studying ?

Banta : Oh he is not studying. They r studying him !

Mallu in kerala

Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard?
Kerala

Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi

Why did Saddam Hussain attack Kuwait?
He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say 'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'

Bihari lecturer having a problem with english

A new Bihari lecturer was unable to control the class. The guys were just talking without giving any attention to him.

So he wanted to send a guy who was creating most of the problem out. But he didn't know how to put it in English..

He went near the guy. Shouted "follow me". The guy followed him till he went out of the class. Now the lecturer turned back and again shouted "Don't follow me" and went inside the class

laloo to telephone operator

Laloo to a long-distance telephone operator:
"COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PATNA AND LAS VEGAS?"

Operator: "JUST A MINUTE, SIR ..."

Laloo: "THANK YOU", AND PUTS DOWN THE PHONE.

A mug of beer

An insect falls into a mug of beer...

African : Takes the insect out and drinks the beer

Chinese : Eats the insect and throws the beer away

Japanese : Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets a new mug of beer.

Pakistani : Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer, relates the issue to Kashmir, asks the Chinese for Military aid, takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer.

Indian: Accuses Pakistan for helping the insect to infiltrate into the glass, blames it as long term ISI operation, terms the insect as a Pakistan SSG commando in undercover operation and vows to defend every inch of the glass and every drop of the beer and demand that US should declare Pakistan a terrorist state

Sardar's Weight Loss

The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would
lose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight,
but he had a problem.

"What's the problem?" asked the doctor.

I'm 2400 kms from home.

Delhi Jokes

Q : Red-line private buses are notorious for their recklessness
and hit rate. When a red-line bus is on the road, which is
the best place be in?
A : Inside the bus.
--------------------------------------------

Q: Why is Delhi a male city (Maha Nagar) and Bombay a female city
(Maha Nagri)?
A: Because Delhi has Qutab Minar and Bombay has Gateway of India.