Uncle Banta is hiding in the closet

Santa gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed,sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Banta is hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"

Santa slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.

Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closetfloor.

You rotten bastard, "says the angry santa,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!

My Mother is dead!!

One day Banta was driving home from work, as he got out of the car he heard his friend Santa crying. "Oh my god what's wrong?" Banta asked. "My mother just died!" said Santa crying out. Banta feeling sorry for his friend comforted him for the whole day. The next day Banta saw Santa crying outside. "Now what the hell is wrong?!" Banta asked. "Ohh, it's terrible...my sister called, and her mother died too!"

Santa's confession to his fiancee

'Before we get married,' said Santa to his fiancee,'I want to confess some affairs I've had in the past.'

'But you told me all about those a couple of weeks ago,' replied the girl.

'Yes, darling,' Santa explained, 'but that was a couple of weeks ago.'

Santa Singh's Interview

Interviewer: Tell me the opposite of good.
Santa Singh: Bad.

Interviewer: Come.
Santa Singh: Go.

Interviewer: Ugly.
Santa Singh: Pichlli.

Interviewer: U G L Y?
Santa Singh: PICHLLY !!!!!!!

Interviewer: Shut Up.
Santa Singh: Keep Talking.

Interviewer: Get Out.
Santa Singh: Come In.

Interviewer: Oh my God.
Santa Singh: Oh your Devil.

Interviewer: You are Rejected.
Santa Singh: I am Selected.

Disk Full

Santa and Banta work in a software company. One day, they were to move their m/cs to another building. Banta was having a tough time carrying his machine.
Santa : "My m/c has 500 MB disk. See how easily I am carrying it. Yours has just 250 MB. Can't you carry even this much?"
Banta : "But yours is empty and my disk is full"!!!

New TV

While visiting Santa's house, Banta noticed that he had replaced his usual TV with a smaller model.
Thinking that perhaps the larger set has broken down, Banta asked why the small one was there.

"Oh," Santa replied, "I have decided to watch less Tv."

A Bengali and a Punjabi In ICU

A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed, tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition.

Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc. a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Bengali."

The other patient signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Punjabi."

This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, "Calcutta."

Other replied in a weedy frail voice, "Ludhiana."

Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Asit."

Replied the other, "Santa."

A few hours later, Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer."

Santa responded, "Sagittarius."

A letter to Bill Gates from Banta Singh

Dear Mr Bill Gates,

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought acomputer for our home and we encountered some problems, which I want to bring toyour notice.

1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account andwhenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field.

We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****.

I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what thepassword is.

2. We are not able to enter anything after we click the 'shut down 'button.

3. There's a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.

4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run' has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.

5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

6. There is 'Find' button but it is not functioning the right way. My wife lostthe door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find',but not able to trace. Is it a bug??

7. Every night I am not sleeping as i have to protect my 'mouse' fromCAT, So i suggest u to provide one DOG to protect from the cat.

8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are you coming to my home tocollect ur money.

9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoftsentence', so when u will provide that?

10. Hey, I brought computer, cpu, mouse and keypad there is only oneicon with 'MY Computer', where is remaining ?

11. And in 'MY Pictures' there is not even single photo of mine, So when u will keep my photo in that.

Thanks
Banta Singh…

What is your favorite flower?

Once a Hindu, a Muslim and our dear Santa Singh were standing together. An Englishman came up and asked, “Hey guys, what is your favorite flower? ”
The Hindu replied, ‘Lotus’ ‘Ha, I wipe my shit with that! ’ the Englishman jeered.
The Hindu got angry, the lotus being our national flower.
The Muslim replied: “Chameli” ‘Ha I wipe my shit with that! ’ The Englishman response
The Muslim also got angry but kept quite.
The Englishman asked Santa, ‘Sardarji, and what is your favorite flower? ’ Patriotic Santa replied: ‘Cactus! and replied, “Now wipe your ass with that! ”

Santa - "GOD"

Santa: People consider me as "God"

Banta: How do you know??

Santa: When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh God ! U’ve come again...

Radio

Banta: You cheated me with this radio.

Santa (shopkeeper): No, I sold a good radio to you.

Banta: Radio label shows ‘Made in Japan’ but the radio says ‘This is all India Radio’!

At the accident scene

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!

Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

Hidden cameras

Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room. Jasmeet: "What are you searching for?" Santa: "Hidden cameras!" Jasmeet: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?" Santa: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying, You are watching the Star World channel. How does he know that?"