A Coca Cola salesman in the Middle East

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.
A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters...

First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand...
Totally exhausted and panting.

Second poster, the man is drinking our Cola and

Third, our man is now totally refreshed.

Then these posters were pasted all over the place"
"That should have worked," said the friend.
The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic,
I also didn't realise that Arabs Read from Right to Left..."

LMAO Off Broadway Musical Comedy Show

Are you one who has been working so hard recently and is planning to take a break from the daily stress from your job?? If so you have to go to this funny interactive musical comedy show that performed by LMAO Off Broadway.

It's really interesting spending your leisure time to watch am musical comedy show. do you have an idea where to watch them?? well you can visit LMAO Off-Broadway show where you can find the world best musical comedy show. This LMAO Off broadway will held their interactive musical comedy show on Midtown theatre located in the heart of Broadway's famous theatre district in Times Square. if you live around that place so why don't you get the ticket to watch them??

They perform every week with a fresh comedy that welcome many guest star on their show. The cast of LMAO delivers high energy, non-stop hilarity as it navigates today's hot topics (from slapstick silly to sophisticated wordplay) through original song and sketch comedy. You never know when a celebrity, politician or author will take possession of a performer provoking uproarious laughter from audiences of all ages. With sharp wit and improvisation.

If you love to watch a fresh parody of movies, music or even the fresh situation that happen today so you have to watch this funny groups consist of Walt Frasier, Spero Chumas and Laurice Fattal.

So what are you waiting for?? get their schedule now on their website and get the tickets for their upcoming show.

Some reasons why a modem is better than a woman

1. A modem doesn't ask for a commitment if you use it. Getting a modem to obey you is as simple as typing "AT".

2. When you're done using your modem, you can roll over and go to sleep without feeling guilty.

3. A modem won't say a word if you come home late.

4. A modem can't collect alimony if you decide to dump it.

5. A modem will always wait patiently by the phone.

6. You can always get a few bucks for an old modem when a faster model comes out.

7. A modem doesn't mind if you call another modem.

8. A virus you catch from your modem doesn't require a trip to the doctor.

9. You don't have to bring a modem home to meet your parents. If an error occurs, Abort, Retry or Fail are the only options you have to worry about.

10. Modems come with an instruction manual. Modems have a volume control - you can even turn the sound OFF.

Application Form For 'Lok Sabha Election'

1. Name of Candidate: ____________ _________

2.Present Address:
(i.)Name of Jail: ____________ _________
(ii.)Cell Number: ____________ _________

3.Political Party: ____________ _________

*List ONLY the Last Five parties in Chronological (Order)

4.Sex: [ ]
A- Male
B- Female
C- Mayawati
D- Uma Bharathi

5.Nationality: [ ]
A- Italian
B- Indian

6.Reasons for leaving last party (circle one or more)
A- Defected
B- Expelled
C- Bought out
D- None of above
E- All of above

7.Reasons for contesting elections (circle one or more)
A- To make money
B- To escape court trial
C- To grossly misuse power
D- To serve the public
E- I have no clue
(If you choose “D, attach Certificate of Sanity from a
Recognized Government Psychiatrist)

8.How many years of public service experience do you possess?
A- 1-2 yrs
B- 2-6yrs
C- 6-15yrs
D- 15+yrs

9.Give details of any criminal cases pending against you (Use as many Additional Sheets as you want)

10.How many years have you spent in Jail? [ ]
(Do not confuse with question 8)
A- 1-2 years
B- 2-6 years
C- 6-15 years
D- 15+years

11.Are you involved in any financial scams? [ ]
A- Why not
B- Of Course
C- Definitely
D- I deny it all
E- I see a foreign hand.

12. What is your Annual Corruption Income? [ ]
A- 100-500 Crores
B- 500-1000 Crores
C- Overflow…
(Convert all your $ earning from Hawala etc to Rupees)

13. Do you have any developmental plans for India in mind? [ ]
A- No
B- No
C- No
D- No

14.Describe your achievements in space provided:
[_________]

Issued in public interest by Election Commission of India.

Mathematical proof that Girls are Evil

girls=time+money
and everyone knows time=money
and money is the root of all evil
so girls are evil

G = T + M
T = M
M --> E
G = E

Uncle Banta is hiding in the closet

Santa gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed,sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Banta is hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"

Santa slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.

Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closetfloor.

You rotten bastard, "says the angry santa,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!

Sardar on Bus Farts!

You are sardarji and on a bus, when you suddenly fart.

Luckily the music is very loud.

So every time you fart, you time it with the music.

When you start making your way to the door as you exit the bus

Everybody is throwing dagger looks at you, and you suddenly

realize............
.
.
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.
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.
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You're listening to your IPOD!

My Mother is dead!!

One day Banta was driving home from work, as he got out of the car he heard his friend Santa crying. "Oh my god what's wrong?" Banta asked. "My mother just died!" said Santa crying out. Banta feeling sorry for his friend comforted him for the whole day. The next day Banta saw Santa crying outside. "Now what the hell is wrong?!" Banta asked. "Ohh, it's terrible...my sister called, and her mother died too!"

Domestic quarrel

During a domestic quarrel our Sardarji hid himself under a bed. At last his wife found him out. She asked him to come out. To this he replied: "I am not afraid of you. After all I am a man. If I say I won't come out, I won't.

Santa's confession to his fiancee

'Before we get married,' said Santa to his fiancee,'I want to confess some affairs I've had in the past.'

'But you told me all about those a couple of weeks ago,' replied the girl.

'Yes, darling,' Santa explained, 'but that was a couple of weeks ago.'

The great sardar kidnap

A Sardar was down on his luck. In order to raise some money, he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

He then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put 2 lakhs in cash in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Sardar."

The Sardar then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the Sardar checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.

He opened the bag and found the exact amount of money as demanded with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Sardar?"

Why do you wear that for?

Sardarji watched his flat-chested wife as she tried on her new brassiere.

'What did you buy that for?' he asked. 'You haven't got anything to put in it.'

'You wear shorts don't you?' she retorted.

Santa Singh's Interview

Interviewer: Tell me the opposite of good.
Santa Singh: Bad.

Interviewer: Come.
Santa Singh: Go.

Interviewer: Ugly.
Santa Singh: Pichlli.

Interviewer: U G L Y?
Santa Singh: PICHLLY !!!!!!!

Interviewer: Shut Up.
Santa Singh: Keep Talking.

Interviewer: Get Out.
Santa Singh: Come In.

Interviewer: Oh my God.
Santa Singh: Oh your Devil.

Interviewer: You are Rejected.
Santa Singh: I am Selected.

an Indian who wannabe a true American

An Indian migrated to America , and moved into an American neighbourhood;

His American neighbour went next door to wish him welcome.He was shocked to see the man from India in his nice backyard chasing ten chickens around like mad. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself.


Deciding he could put off the welcome till a later date, he went home.

The next day, he decided he was going to welcome the Indian man again.

When he looked through his window, he saw the Indian man urinate into a cup and drink it. "Must be an Indian custom," he thought to himself. Deciding he could put off the welcome till the next day, he went on with other stuff.


The third day, he was determined to welcome the Indian man. At his gate, he saw the Indian man with his ear pressed against a cow's big fat butt.

Seeing this, he became disgusted and went up to the Indian man.

"I'm sorry sir, I did want to wish you a warm welcome, but I cannot stand your crazy Indian customs!" He yelled at the Indian .


The Indian looked confused and answered. "Sorry sir, I think you are mistaken. These are actually American customs. I was told, that in order to be a true American, you have to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bullshit.

Faster than the Japanese's blah blah blah...

There was a Japanese who went to India for sightseeing.

On the last day, he hired a cab and told the driver to drive to the Airport.During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi.

Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan !!!.

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi and again the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!"

And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!"

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars.

Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was 800 rupees. !!!!

The Japanese exclaimed, "What??… so expensive!"

There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, Made in India VERY VERY FAST !!!!!

Disk Full

Santa and Banta work in a software company. One day, they were to move their m/cs to another building. Banta was having a tough time carrying his machine.
Santa : "My m/c has 500 MB disk. See how easily I am carrying it. Yours has just 250 MB. Can't you carry even this much?"
Banta : "But yours is empty and my disk is full"!!!

New TV

While visiting Santa's house, Banta noticed that he had replaced his usual TV with a smaller model.
Thinking that perhaps the larger set has broken down, Banta asked why the small one was there.

"Oh," Santa replied, "I have decided to watch less Tv."

Egg Dispute

There was once a Indian and an Pakistani who lived next door to each other. The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.

One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, who ever gets up quicker wins the egg."

The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. The Pakistani fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes.

Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."

The Indian said, "Keep the damn egg!"

Shopping in burma bazaar

One sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in burma bazaar.

His tamilian friend told the Sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price.

Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs. Sardar asked for Rs.1000. vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which sardar told no,no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok , i will give it for 1500 Rs for which sardar bargained for Rs.750.

It was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the Sardar the stereo free of cost. Our sardar asked whether he will give two.

Laloo's Son Marriage Proposal

Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son.

Laloo: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I want to choose my own bride".
Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...... Yes"

Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani

Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Ambani : "But my daughter is too young to marry."
Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Ambani : "Ah, in that case.....Yes"

Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President : "But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."
Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case.......Yes."

This is how business is done!!!